6. What’s It Like to Get an Abortion During a Pandemic?
Three people, from three different states, share their stories.
Guests:
Miranda, Texas
Larada, Ohio
Sarah, Oregon
Special thanks to We Testify and Fund Texas Choice for connecting us with two of our guests. Logo by Kate Ryan, theme music by Lily Sloane. Additional music in this episode from Blue Dot Sessions. Photo by Robin Marty.
Transcript below.
Garnet [00:00:02] Hey, everyone, before we start the show today, I want to extend a huge thank you to each and every one of you who's been listening to the show. It really means so much to me. My goal for the new year is to grow our audience and bring these important stories to more people. So here's what I'm asking you to do. Choose one person in your life who you think would enjoy this podcast, or maybe just really needs to hear it. Just one person. And then share the show directly with them by email, text message, DM, whatever. That's it. Share the show with one other person. If every listener did that, our audience would instantly double, and that would be huge. So thanks in advance, and let's get into the show.
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Garnet [00:01:23] Welcome to ACCESS, a podcast about abortion, I'm your host, Garnet Henderson. We've spent a lot of time talking about how the pandemic has affected abortion access. And today's show is dedicated to the people, the real people, who've experienced these challenges firsthand. Three guests from different regions of the country are sharing their stories with us today. First, we'll hear from Miranda, who lives in Texas, in episode two, we heard from Dr. Bhavik Kumar, an abortion provider in Texas. He told us that his clinic opened and closed a total of eight times in late March and early April after Texas Governor Greg Abbott ordered abortion clinics to close. Miranda found out that she was pregnant in the middle of March and had to wait until the end of April to get her abortion.
Miranda [00:02:18] I didn't really think that it was something that was even a concern at the time, I guess, for them to say that is a nonessential medical procedure that you only need to have it if you meet certain guidelines. That was just something that I had never really heard about. So it was definitely shocking, endless dial tones or just voicemail saying they can't come to the phone right now, they're closed. It was right after me and my boyfriend had lost our jobs. So it was pretty difficult to find out that I was pregnant, especially because I was diagnosed with PCOS many years ago as a high schooler. So I didn't really think that I could get pregnant. I was told by the doctor that if I wanted to consider having kids, I would have to go back and talk to him. And I needed to be on birth control to regulate my menstrual cycle and stuff like that. So I didn't think it was a possibility. And then when it happened, it was definitely just not the expected circumstances that we were in. I think anyone who's had to deal with being pregnant or going through an abortion during this pandemic has felt just like an overwhelming sense of emotion and uncertainty. Because, I mean, you can have the baby for sure. And whenever you have them, you want to have all these aspirations and dreams, and you kind of want to be able to give it a life essentially better than what yours was. I think that's, or at least it should be, every parent's goal to have their kids surpass them and do better. And I don't know, at the time when we were finding out everything was shutting down, they weren't sure on how long it was going to be shut down. So it was really scary to find out that not only was I pregnant, but even if I wasn't sure about keeping the baby, it was a choice that was still taken away at the time. So it was definitely scary. And it's a feeling I had never experienced because you are in charge of your body. You come into this world with one. You obviously get advised and told what's best for it, what's good for it. But you essentially are in charge of what goes in it, how you treat it, how you keep up with it. So to be told that I can't have a procedure that I'm wanting or I can't even be seen by a doctor to figure out how far along there was was definitely something that I was not expecting at all whatsoever.
Garnet [00:05:04] So the state of Texas shut down abortion clinics, claiming that abortion is not an essential service. But it allowed crisis pregnancy centers, also called pregnancy resource centers, to remain open. These are anti-abortion clinics, some of which do provide actual medical services, but many of which just exist to convince people not to have abortions. These were the only clinics open, so Miranda ended up at one.
Miranda [00:05:34] I like that I went, but it was definitely not your typical clinic. It was one of those places where they help you, they help out mothers who can't afford to have the babies but still want to have them. They help out with diapers and formula and stuff like that. And they were not letting me in on that part of it at all whatsoever. So when I showed up, they let me know how far along I was, which I knew that you can only in Texas have an abortion of a certain amount of time. So that was a worry for me. Not being able to get in and be seen, not knowing how long I was pregnant. But whenever I got there, they were very helpful. They were very understanding, very open to hearing why we didn't want the baby and what possibilities would we consider in order to have a baby. They were really good about that, but at the same time, you could tell that they also were kind of pushing me to have it, letting me know that they threw baby showers and kind of putting me in a little bit of a corner, especially because, like I said, I had never been pregnant before. My boyfriend had never had to go through this before. So it was definitely, you know baby onesies and presents as we're walking out. And it just left us so confused and upset at the same time. I thought it was just going to be a clinic that was able to help me.
Garnet [00:07:01] Finally, Miranda got in touch with two abortion funds, Lilith Fund and Fund Texas Choice.
Miranda [00:07:07] And they were able to really keep me up to date on what clinics were open, what clinics weren't open, because it was happening almost on the daily where one day they would have me scheduled for a certain day, and then the very next day I would get a call saying they're shutting them back down again. We we can't do anything right now. And then I think at one point I was even supposed to go to New Mexico. I was in touch with their clinic over there. But that's the last thing somebody wants to hear in the middle of a pandemic, is that you're going to have to travel. It kind of made it a little bit more surreal, and it was very quick to feel alone, even though luckily I do, and I'm still with my boyfriend. At the time, as a woman, you just you feel very not understood. It's not kind of a decision that they're having to make. They're just there with you, helping you through everything. But it really just made me feel like... I, I couldn't sympathize enough with every other woman that's out there going through the exact same thing, and they may not have somebody else, they might not have the same storyline, they might not have the same experiences, and they would have had to go through the same struggle, the same challenges that I went through just to try and make my decision as a woman when it comes to my body.
Garnet [00:08:38] Miranda was able to get an appointment at a clinic in Dallas, but that's several hours away from where she lives. And another thing you might remember from episode two is that it takes at least two visits to a clinic in Texas to get an abortion. The first is for an ultrasound and state-mandated counseling. Then there's a mandatory 24 hour delay before you can get the procedure. Plus, Miranda wanted a medication abortion. And Texas requires providers to follow an outdated FDA protocol that requires an in-person follow up visit. So that's three visits total at a clinic several hours away.
Miranda [00:09:20] Fund Texas Choice was able to help me out with gas money. They found a clinic that was in Dallas that had literally just opened up and they were like, "We can get you in. It'll be in a couple of days earlier in the morning." And I was like, I will take it. I will, because anything is better than driving. I don't... To be honest, I don't know how far it is from where I am to New Mexico. It would have been over eight hours for sure. To Dallas, it was a couple hours. The only difficult part was the follow up appointment, having to rearrange schedules to be able to go back.
Garnet [00:09:56] I asked Miranda how she felt about the fact that in other states people have been able to get medication abortions during the pandemic entirely via telemedicine.
Miranda [00:10:07] I think it would have made things a lot easier as far as being able to make my decision and being able to go through with it. I think it's a whole lot harder and makes you think a whole lot more whenever you are having to drive hours out of your way. And if it's just for this one, well, technically two different medications. And that was just something that it kind of sits with you. You know, I feel like if it was more readily available, it wouldn't be something that I necessarily thought that much about. Especially given the fact that in Texas, they do now have where you can be seen by a doctor over the computer. So it really is mind blowing to hear that it's it's that different in that sense because you can still have, like, the common flu checked up on over Zoom or Skype. So why would this be any different, you know? I think in order to be the most responsible, I, I had to make that decision. And it was hard. It was something that I never considered for myself. I definitely have 100 percent support for women who want to go through with abortions because I believe I do believe in the woman's right to choose. But I never saw myself having to make that decision. So when I did, you realize that it is a lot harder even down to the people that are protesting outdoors outside of the medical offices telling you, you know, you're OK, let us save you. You know, it's it's hard hearing that and thinking that you're labeled as something completely awful. Some people aren't really even comfortable hearing the word abortion. Some people don't like saying it. Some people, their ears turn off as soon as that happens. So even communicating with my family that that's what I was having to go through, what I was doing, was not easy or a comfortable topic, but it does happen. And it almost, it almost angered me with the fact that it made everyone uncomfortable. It's like, this is just my decision. I'm not saying you have to be OK with it, but I'm I'm OK with it. I definitely spoke to my sisters about it. They're a little bit younger than me. I'm twenty-four. And then the second oldest, she just turned nineteen and then the last one will be sixteen. So they're all getting around to those ages where I don't, I don't feel like it's talked about enough, especially when you're that age and you're able to make those decisions. So it was it was nice to be able to have that conversation with them and let them know that this was my decision and that it's OK to make this decision. It is your body. Nobody else is going to shame you or tell you what you can and can't do with. I mean, there are people who will try. There are people who, you know, like I said, outside of those clinics, they were shouting. But it's it's your decision and it is your body.
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Garnet [00:13:54] Next, we'll hear from Larada, who lives in Ohio.
Larada [00:13:57] Well, I found out I was pregnant in the last couple weeks of March and had my abortion in the first week of April. So I have, like, bad PMS symptoms like a week or week and a half before I start my period. And what I thought was PMS turned out to be a pregnancy because, like, my stomach was hurting and I was like having cramps in my abdomen and my uterus felt heavy like I was getting ready to start bleeding. And my period comes on like the 18th or 19th every month. And after I realized that I hadn't had my period in like three days, I'm like yo I know I'm pregnant. So I went and got a pregnancy test from the store and it was confirmed, and then I went to urgent care and it was confirmed.
Garnet [00:14:42] The governor of Ohio also tried to stop some abortions during the pandemic. That didn't lead to clinics shutting down the way they did in Texas. But Ohio has a lot of the same anti-abortion laws that Texas does. So, it's difficult to get an abortion there. And it involves multiple visits.
Larada [00:15:00] Every appointment that I had, all four of those appointments that were very long, no one could come in with me because of Covid. You know, sometimes when you go to these abortion clinics, you have to sit for three, given, or give or take like two, three, maybe even five hours. So, like, you know, I'm like risking my my health, honestly, to go get my abortion on top of having to, you know, go multiple times as well. I had to go for the required first abortion consultation, so I went to that and then that put me out... I went to that on a Friday and I had to wait to get my abortion medication at my second appointment the following Monday. I remember sitting there like, oh, my God, I'm ready for this to be over because it was the worst pregnancy. And I was still in school. So I'm like trying to struggle to do online school and adjust to that while I'm also wanting to throw up. And I was just honestly very transparent with my professors, like, hey, I'm pregnant, I don't want to be, you're going to have to bear with me because this is a really tough situation for me. And they were very understanding. They were very understanding. But I know, like, the whole time that I was going through the process, I just couldn't help but think, like, how much of an inconvenience it posed to people who may have not been as fortunate as I was, to like have the people that I know directly who do like, who work in abortion funds and who know who like who know who to send me to. And the first, it was actually the first time that the first time I went, I scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood. And it was like two days after I found out I was pregnant. I had went to the clinic the next day and the doctor was out sick. The doctor wasn't there. And I was heartbroken, because I just had to walk past people telling me that they'll pray for me and that I'm a baby killer. In the middle of a pandemic, by the way, 10 to 15 people protesting in the middle of a global pandemic with no mask on breathing down each other's necks to tell me I'm a baby killer. I was too through. I couldn't. But yeah. So the doctor wasn't there because the doctor got sick. And it was just also odd that I had to really process, like, dang, I can't get my abortion as quick as I wanted. Also, too, like I hope my doctor's not sick from Covid. And it's also interesting because, like, you know, the governor was like, if you see or like more more than groups of 10 to 15 people call the police, right? And, you know, there was more than 10 or 15 people, like I don't, you know, eff 12. But like, you know, it's really interesting to see what they will and who they will not protect. It was really also interesting seeking an abortion in the aftermath of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor in the middle of a pandemic in the state of Ohio. So I have an elder in my life that I entrusted in for much of my teenage years. A mother figure to me. And I had told her... I honestly knew that the response wouldn't be something that I would have necessarily completely agreed with because of just a different era, a different time, different mindset. But it was just really weird. I had told her that I was pregnant and getting an abortion and she told me that she was pregnant previously, not recently, but like way back when she had been pregnant, she got an abortion. And I told her immediately, like, yeah, I'm getting an abortion. And you can tell that she was shocked. And as someone, like, she knows me as like someone who is a very staunch supporter and advocate for Black Lives Matter and the state of black life. So she's seeing it as like something that it's not. And also really too, like hearing her, like, kind of, not necessarily be punitive, but kind of like berate me and, you know, talk down on me in a way, the way that she did was really odd because she had an abortion. So just really seeing how, like even people who have had them internalize so much stigma with it. And it really, my abortion really wasn't one of those situations where it was, you know, something that was a hard decision for me because I simply didn't want to be pregnant and don't want kids ever, at any point in time. But it was a lot for me to process just seeing the disparities with accessing, the just the stigma around it and the reactions of some of the people that I told.
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Garnet [00:20:23] Finally today we'll hear from Sarah, who lives in Portland, Oregon, and had an abortion over the summer.
Sarah [00:20:29] I found out I was pregnant actually pretty early on. I was like one day late, and I keep really good records of my period. So I was one day late, and then, but I had all the symptoms of my period. Which, come to find out are symptoms of pregnancy also, so that's cool. And and then on the second day, I spoke with my partner and we just decided for peace of mind, like, let's go get a test. But I think what was really unique about our situation was we actually had a discussion before we went and got the test. And, you know, throughout this discussion, we kind of kept starting with, I'm probably not pregnant. But if I am, you know, what are we going to do? And we agreed that we didn't want to have a child and for lots of reasons. But I mean, especially during a pandemic. And we were in the middle of, you know, moving, we're still also in a very early relationship. And that was just, we just didn't want, I mean, we're also in the middle of like a major climate crisis. But so so we're like, you know, walking to go get brunch or like an egg sandwich or something. And then it was like, oh, we'll just up the street, there's a Walgreens, let's just like hop in and grab one. And I, and so we did, we went to like the drugstore that was just up the street while we were waiting for our egg sandwich. And came home, ate the egg sandwich, and then I took the test and found out I was pregnant. One of the things that struck me is that the test came back and it was a positive sign. And I like, the first thing that came out of my mouth was just like was the longest fuck. This is not positive. This is the wrong test, you know. But also the positive sign was pretty faint. You read the box and you read the little insert and it's like, it doesn't matter how faint it is, still pregnant. And so I think luckily, because we had just had the conversation right before we got the test, I immediately called Planned Parenthood. My partner came in and, you know, just was really supportive. And we made an appointment. And luckily we were able to get an appointment for like a week and a half later. And decided to do the, the in-clinic. They offered the home one, but it just sounded too risky. I was early enough along that I probably would have worked. But, you know, it's 72, it could be 72 hours of being quite ill. And then at the end, like, you still could not have done it right. And so you still have to go into the clinic. I'd rather just go in once and get it over with. And actually they were also able to insert an IUD during the same appointment. So that was really great to just get it all done at once. And so then it was just a week and a half of waiting and I started getting morning sickness like a day or two later. And so like every morning at like ten or ten thirty in the morning, just super nauseus. So. Glad I got that thing out, because apparently it just wanted me to be sick. I mean, it did consume all of my thoughts for sure. There were moments, you know, fleeting moments where I felt like I was able to think about something else, but for the most part, yeah, that's all I was thinking about. The kind of unfortunate thing is my partner wasn't able to come in with me because of Covid, but I was masked up and it was very empty. You know, I even had somebody kind of assigned to me who went to each of the different rooms with me and was kind of my support. So, you know, in lieu of my partner, I got like my own little support person. And she was amazing. And it was it was really painful, I'll say that. Not as painful as giving birth, I'm sure, but still the most painful thing I've gone through. But they gave me a Xanax, so I felt like pretty loopy for the rest of the day. And I was cramping, for sure, and bleeding. But overall, so relieved. And I think the only thing I was really worried about was, did anyone in that facility give me covid? The only thing that was maybe emotionally more painful is a close friend of mine is trying to get pregnant, and has been trying for a while, and it just kind of felt... I felt really guilty. And I still haven't told her.
Garnet [00:25:42] Oregon doesn't have any of the major types of abortion restrictions seen in other states, so overall, it was pretty easy for Sarah to get her abortion. But she still encountered stigma.
Sarah [00:25:55] You know, it's not something that celebrated, and yet I wanted it to be. That was something actually my partner and I talked about. I, I kind of got on this rant and I continue to get on this rant because this is our life decision, and we feel really good about it. And I wish it was something that we could celebrate in the same way that people celebrate getting pregnant or celebrate getting married or buying a house. You know, there are these big life events where people's dreams come true. And I'm like, well, this is my dream. My dream is to not have this baby. Why don't I get to celebrate that? And instead, you know, I have to kind of hide it and, like, decide who I tell, and, and then not tell some people. I think I just thought that it was something that you did if you just weren't prepared to be a parent. And yet, like I am of parenting age, right? And I still don't want one. In fact, it's a privilege to get an abortion because it's expensive. I was, I am lucky enough that my insurance covered it. But the girl next to me, she paid eight hundred and fifty dollars. Like, that's got to be a barrier for some people. And that was also really discouraging when I when I was there and I found out, I was like, oh. A month to the date after the abortion, I was called a murderer on social media. Just from a childhood friend who is very pro-life, which I think is actually the wrong term. I didn't expect that to hurt as much as it did. I also didn't expect it to come as quickly as it did, and it made me realize like, oh, this is going to happen to me again and again and again, especially as I want to be more vocal about it, to just draw attention and normalize this. Because what I've also realized is, as I've told people, every single person I've told has either said, oh, I had one, too, or oh, I've I scheduled myself for one, but then didn't need it or oh, my sister's had one. I haven't told a single person who hasn't had firsthand experience in some way. So it's far more common than we think it is. And yet it's not normalized, similar to miscarriages. There's a lot of shame around it. So anyway, yeah, I definitely didn't expect to be able to murderer so quickly and I didn't expect it to hurt so much. Because I know I'm not. But that's also a legal term. And I think what was painful for me as a lawyer is I'm like, you're putting me in the same boat as as actual murders under the law. And and according to the law, I am not. This is a perfectly legal thing for me to do. And one aspect of that, which was really frustrating to me in that moment was how alone I was in that term, right? Like my partner and never going to be called a murder. And he, he was so supportive and and still is and, you know, just really took care of me for the days where I was in recovery. Because I also didn't realize how long it was going to take, right? It kind of varies body by body, but it took me a few days to to maybe a week and a half to feel at my best. And he was constantly checking in on me and helping. And yet, you know, he he doesn't have to bear that same physical pain and no one's going to call him a murderer.
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Garnet [00:30:29] That's all for today's show. ACCESS is produced by me, Garnet Henderson. Our logo is by Kate Ryan and our theme music is by Lily Sloane. Additional music in this episode from Blue Dot Sessions. Many thanks to all of our guests, and special thanks to We Testify, Fund Texas Choice and Alexa Garcia-Ditta for helping me connect with them. I want to give a special shout out to Sarah, who reached out to me directly to share her abortion story. I am always interested in hearing from you if you want to share a story on the show. You can reach me at accesspodcast@protonmail.com, and that's in the show notes, too. Don't forget to pick that one person and share the show with them by the end of the year. Your likes, tweets and comments are always welcome, too, and you can find us on Twitter and Instagram @accesspod. You can donate to the show by visiting glow.fm/apodcastaboutabortion, and that's in the show notes as well. You can also help people find us by leaving a rating or review where you listen. Don't forget to subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts. A full transcript of this episode is available on our website, that's apodcastaboutabortion.com. We've got a few bonus episodes coming up, so stay tuned.
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