19. Grief, Survivor’s Guilt, and Hope in Practice: One Year After Dobbs
First-person dispatches from the frontlines of abortion care in the year since the Supreme Court overturned Roe.
Resources:
If/When/How’s Repro Legal Helpline and Repro Legal Defense Fund
Logo by Kate Ryan, theme music by Lily Sloane. Additional music in this episode from Blue Dot Sessions.
[00:00:00] Garnet: Welcome to ACCESS, a podcast about abortion. I'm your host, Garnet Henderson. It's been nearly a year since the Supreme Court issued its decision in Dobbs versus Jackson Women's Health Organization, the case that overturned Roe versus Wade. As of this recording, 14 states have banned abortion entirely, and a 15th, Georgia bans abortion after about six weeks. Five additional states ban abortion starting at some point between 12 and 20 weeks. So that's a total of 20 states where new restrictions on abortion have gone into effect in the last year. As a reporter, I think, and talk and write about abortion bans all the time, and still it's really difficult for me to put the events of this year into words. Nothing I can say really feels sufficient to capture the immensity of the suffering, and fear, and confusion that so many people are experiencing. And my words also feel insufficient to capture the immense courage, and determination, and love that I see advocates embody every single day. So mostly I'm not gonna talk in this episode. I'm gonna let you hear from people who are on the ground and doing the work to help people get abortions. But before we get to their stories, I wanna take one moment to remember someone we lost this year.
[00:01:34] The very first person I spoke with on the day that the Dobbs decision came down, June 24th, 2022, was Mia Raven. Mia called herself the Alabama abortion lady, and she really was. She was an incredibly fierce advocate for reproductive justice, and really all kinds of social justice, in Alabama for a very long time. And in Alabama, abortion became illegal immediately once the Supreme Court issued that Dobbs decision. So I called Mia up and I chatted with her while she was sitting in her car in the parking lot outside Reproductive health Services, which is the Montgomery abortion clinic where she had worked and volunteered for many years. Mia told me that she planned to keep showing up there and she did. She was a constant presence at the clinic, even though it was closed, looking out for the members of her community who she knew would show up there looking for help, because the clinic had been there for decades. But In April of this year, Mia became sick and died very suddenly. This is another loss that I really just don't have the words for, but I wanted to extend my deepest condolences to Mia's family and all of her loved ones, and leave you with this little tidbit from a conversation I had with her in the fall when I profiled her and her work for ELLE Magazine.
[00:03:02] Mia: Nothing's changed, nothing's went anywhere. Equipment's still there. I go in there once a week and about cry, water the plants, you know what I mean? And just check everything out, make sure there's nothing going on. But I would, I'd be out there every fucking day if it meant that clinic would be open. I would be out there from six o'clock in the morning till six o'clock at night if I had to.
[00:03:26] Garnet: Thank you, Mia. You are so missed. And now on to more stories from this year.
[00:03:40] Mistie: I'll never forget waking up the morning that the Dobbs decision was handed down. I think that those of us who'd been working in repro had been watching the Supreme Court blog like a hawk just waiting for when it was going to come, and I remember, waking up, it was the first thing I did. I looked at my phone and my heart just like dropped into my stomach when I saw, we have Dobbs. I got out of bed and I came to the kitchen and, and sat at the table and refreshed the screen over and over until I saw Roe and Casey overturned. And I just completely dissociated from my body. I quickly got a call from a colleague who was calling to check on me because she knew what devastating news this was gonna be. And I suddenly couldn't breathe. I, I, like, tried to answer the phone and like, I, I couldn't get breath to come out. Um, the devastation that. Just kind of rolled over me in waves was so strong and so acute in that moment, and she just said, I know, and we just cried together on the phone. Since Dobbs this past year has really been a rollercoaster in Idaho. You know, we've, we've had new coalitions spring up. We've had people jumping in to take action who have not been super involved. We've had people who've been involved for years kind of step back to rest. You know, it's really taken a toll on people doing progressive work. And the meetings that I've been able to take part in have been really, really heartbreaking as I've witnessed Idahoans expressing their fear, their worries, their concerns. Looking to move out of the state, not wanting their children to stay here, wanting to get their kids out of state now for college. Especially their children who have uteruses. Meetings where physicians are in tears describing what it's like to be in a room with a patient and worry about whether or not they can take action to do what they took an oath to do, which is to provide the best care possible for their patient, or if they need to worry about losing their license and being sued. You know, it's one thing, we've been kind of shouting from the rooftops for years that this was coming. We saw the writing on the wall. But it's been a whole other kind of realization to actually experience it firsthand and watch in real time the negative outcomes, the negative health outcomes as we're watching doctors leave the state, as we're watching health facilities close down due to the irresponsible and dangerous legislation that the Idaho legislature has passed leading up to and in the wake of Dobbs. When I think of what I would want my kind of bottom line message to be about Idaho specifically, you know, we are in the heart of one of the reddest states in the country. We have such an anti-abortion and anti reproductive healthcare legislature. We're working in such a hostile environment, and yet there are so many people who have stepped up. We're not going to let our communities down. We've already been let down by the Idaho legislature. We've been let down by the courts. And now we're stepping up to make sure that we are each taken care of and that our communities are taken care of. There is a rich, vibrant, caring network of folks in Idaho and I don't want folks across the nation to kind of write us off as a lost cause, cuz we're never gonna give up. We're never gonna stop this fight. The fight has just changed from protecting reproductive rights to reclaiming them. And we know that it's not gonna happen overnight. We know that this took decades for the anti-abortion movement to align their chess pieces to make Dobbs happen, and we are in it for the long haul. It's too important of work. The consequences are too dire and we are not ready to give up on our home state. We, many of us, were born here. We live here, we are raising our families here, and we're not gonna get chased out by extremists who want to use our lives and our bodies as pawns in their political games. So don't write Idaho off. We're. We're fighting, we're fighting hard, we're not gonna give up. And one day that arc will bend toward justice. And justice means everyone, even Idahoans, having the right to make their own choices about their own bodies and their own futures. And that's what we're fighting for.
[00:10:02] Jessica: Hi, my name is Jessica Mencia. I'm a PhD student at the University of Buffalo School of Social Work, and I have been doing abortion advocacy and abortion research since about 2017. I would say what I want people outside of the movement to understand is, I think people have their hearts in the right place and talk about being pro-choice, but I think sometimes stigmatizing language can come up like, oh, no one wants an abortion. Or framing all abortion experiences as traumatic, even though there's a wide variety of experience. So I think people mean really well, but I think especially with things that have happened and the conversation of abortion coming up more and abortion policy becoming increasingly hostile, it's really important that we take a pro-abortion stance and that we look inward and think about some of the stigmatizing beliefs that we might have. I would say, you know, on the flip side, what gives me hope is sharing space with a lot of other people who do this work. So, other abortion doulas. I'm a trained abortion doula. And just talking to other abortion doulas, talking to other people who work on the helpline, talking to people who've been in abortion work much longer than I have. Just sharing space with people who understand. We all come from different sectors of abortion work, but there is that shared sense of understanding, especially with funds and with a lot of people who do grassroots work.
[00:11:44] Jade: Hi Garnet. This is Jade from the DC Abortion Fund. We've paid for the abortion care of anyone living in or traveling to DC since 1995, but over the last year, we've had to level up our operations in genuinely every way imaginable to meet the needs of our callers. Because DC is an abortion destination and a safe haven for all trimester abortion care, we have not only needed to serve our local callers, but serve folks from across the nation because of the impact of abortion bans after Dobbs, especially for folks traveling from the South. We've seen huge increases in abortion travel to the D M V, especially from North Carolina, Florida, Georgia, and Texas. This not only has caused abortion seekers to delay care so they can coordinate and afford travel, but it's increased the amount that we spend on abortion funding exponentially over the last year. I mean, in 2022 we pledged 2.2 million for abortion care, and in 2023, we likely will have to do the same. So to meet this new challenge, we had to rethink and rebuild our power as a fund. We hired six full-time paid staff members. We redesigned the way we intake and collect caller data. We built an entirely new website and brand, which is coming soon. And we set our sights on fundraising, fundraising, fundraising. We actually just raised $200,000 big yay, as part of NNAF's Fundathon. So it's really been a tough and busy year making sure people can still get the care they need. But after all this work we did, we know we're more prepared than ever for whatever comes next.
[00:13:26] S: I volunteer at an independent abortion clinic twice a week, sometimes once a week in Northern Virginia. And what I saw that really stuck with me was this one patient. Who I was giving crackers and juice to after her surgical abortion who said that she had no idea that abortion was still legal in the United States of America, let alone the state of Virginia. She thought that the SCOTUS ruling in 2022 meant that she had no options whatsoever, and that was just heartbreaking to me because. I feel like everyone should have access to information, but the media and perhaps the right wing media have just made it so difficult, and this is truly a lifesaving piece of information and helped her so much. So I'm really glad she finally got the care she needed by getting accurate evidence-based information about abortion.
[00:14:31] Jen: What is the media coverage missing? They're missing the wins. They're missing the stories of states such as Hawaii, the first state in the nation to legalize abortion care. Years before Roe passed, passing a bill earlier this year, that reinforced and expanded our state laws around abortion rights and added protections for both providers and patients. Legislators, both Democrat and Republican in Hawaii, voted to ensure and strengthen our abortion rates. Legislators stood up on the floor and told their stories and experiences with abortion and spoke to the importance of safeguarding this healthcare option so that it remains safe and legal to all who need or want it. I am not gonna lie. Some days watching what is happening across our nation around abortion rights makes me sad, bewildered, and frustrated. What gives me hope, though, more than any of those momentary negative thoughts, is seeing how we are slowly dismantling the stigmatization of those that have accessed abortion care and have started sharing their stories about it. Abortion care is healthcare. And the more this conversation goes on, and the more people that have been standing up and talking about their experiences with abortion care, the more we are normalizing this healthcare option. What would I want people outside this movement to know? I would want them to know that I understand that everything going on in this country around abortion care is overwhelming, but we will not stop fighting for you and your access to safe, legal, and accessible abortion care. I would want them to know that we would love them to join us in whatever way that they're comfortable. From storytelling to community events, to testifying at the legislature. Find where you feel most comfortable and please join us.
[00:16:13] Diana: Hello, my name is Diana Greene Foster. I'm a professor at an ANSIRH at the University of California San Francisco. And man, this year since the Dobbs decision has been really rough. I've been distracted from all the news of states passing new bans, by efforts to try and study them. So trying to study the people who are last served in their state compared to the people who wanted an abortion just a little bit later and were turned away, people calling helplines, and we're now beginning to think about recruiting people on either side of a six week ban just as we did for the Turnaway Study. So it's been a rough year and what I am struck by is people's determination to get healthcare, to get abortion services when they need it. It seems like the initial data is that there is a lot of traveling and a lot of pills being sent after being ordered online. And I salute the resolution and resourcefulness that people are demonstrating in trying to circumvent laws that are not compassionate to people's actual lived experiences.
[00:17:26] B: Hi. I can't share my name, but I can talk to you about what I've been up to. The last year has been really challenging. Especially emotionally, just because I think there's a bit of weird survivor's guilt that I have around being someone who was able to get my abortion, but also, anyone who knows me is able to get their abortion. And it's just really sad that for a lot of people to get an abortion in this moment, it's that, you know, you have to know somebody to know somebody to know somebody. And obviously there are so many options, but it's, I think the stigma is so bad and the confusion is so bad that some people just give up and that's really, really sad. I can't share my name or anything about me because I am someone who I pick up pills and distribute them in large quantities. And one of the things I think that keeps me grounded whenever I'm feeling really stressed about what's happening, I package up pills, I design stickers, and I, I put them on the little packages and send them out to folks in the community, not necessarily to individuals, though I have given them out to some individuals. But, yeah, I think when things feel really stressful, that's what I do to meditate. I put on a good TV show and I just put the sticker instructions on each side of the bag just over and over and over again. And then, separate out the pills. I count 1 and 4, 1, 4, 1, 4, over and over and over again. And then I put together little packages of extra miso in case people need to go further and that's what keeps me feeling really content and makes it feel like I have some semblance of control over everything that's happening. For my day job, I do communications and messaging work. But I can't talk about what I do privately, the pill distribution. I can't talk about that publicly, which for obvious reasons. Mostly it's not, one. Cause it's not about me as an individual at all. Cause there's so many of us who are doing it. It's to keep the people that we're connected to safe. And I think what feels hardest is that people assume that if we're not talking about certain aspects of things, that we're not doing it, we're not working on it, and no, the reason is that we're trying to keep our loved ones safe and keep those who are closest to us and those who self-manage and who we're connected to keep them really safe. And I do think it's really beautiful that the people who are doing this work are kind of hiding in plain sight. But I mean, that is what it is. That's just the power of building connections and networks, and why we do what we do. And I hope that people understand that. I think another thing that feels really challenging is how many people are just like, well, what you should do is this. And you know, so many people don't stop to just ask, how can I help? Or, you know, what would be most helpful? They just come up with their half thought up idea that they just like tweet out or whatever. And I think it would just take five minutes to say, Hey, how could I be helpful? I think that would make a huge difference. And also just spread the fucking word about self-managed abortion. I carry pills on me constantly. I always have pills on me. And I think one thing that's been surprising is when I give them to people that they're very surprised. I think people have to get used to the idea of that like, it's okay for us to have them on us and that we can be the people who are creating these networks. But also people are really surprised that we want no money for them. They'll say, oh, how much, how much do you want for these? And the answer is always nothing. For us anyway. And you know, we can afford to do that because we can defray the costs and it's being paid for through redistribution of wealth. But I think it's one of those things that if we wanna build worlds of healthcare that we wanna see, we have to start ourselves. And that includes making abortion care as free as, as as possible as we can. And you know, it's complicated cause we also need to pay clinic workers a living wage and all of those things. So anyway, it's really complicated, but we're just trying to do our part.
[00:23:09] Michelle: Hi, my name's Michelle Farber. I'm a nurse midwife in Washington State. I have been an abortion provider in other parts of my career and recently started at a hospital in 2021 that is a public hospital but doesn't currently provide abortion care. I started investigating why we didn't provide abortion care, especially because we were affiliated with a large academic institution in our area that is leading in abortion care. After trying to figure out why that was, it became clear that it was due to political reasons. It was due to our OB department not pushing forward on providing abortion care, so I decided to take this on. I worked with the Reproductive Health Access Project to put me in touch with other leaders in abortion care in my area to help give me support and tips and just all of the logistical things that go along with trying to launch abortion care services. Following the Dobbs decision last summer this really lit a fire under me to continue to push for this abortion care. Mostly mifepristone access for our patients. We have been through a very long administrative process. We've been fighting with our pharmacy department, but just last week we officially filed our paperwork with Danco, one of the suppliers of Mifeprex. We're really, really excited to get the service going and I wanted to give some exciting and happy news about expanding abortion access in the face of restrictions and turmoil and so much heartbreak in the last year.
[00:24:56] KC: Hi, my name is KC Casort. My pronouns are they them, and I'm the Alaska Field Manager with Planned Parenthood Alliance Advocates Alaska. One moment that sticks with me from last summer was when I was tabling for Planned Parenthood at a community event, and someone came up and asked me, are you still open? I thought you closed because abortion is illegal now. But abortion was never illegal in Alaska because our state constitution protects abortion access. It was so disheartening to see how this misinformation had spread, even when abortion remained legal in Alaska. What does give me hope though, is how many folks we talked to at these events and online who express gratitude for us, keeping our doors open and being the first to respond to attacks, not just on abortion access, but all the ways that extremists are attacking our bodily autonomy. I do feel confident that although this is a long fight, we have good, good people on our side and we're gonna get to a much better place than Roe ever offered.
[00:25:55] Rose: My name is Rose O'Hara-Jolley they them pronouns on the unceded lands of the Lower Tanana Dene. I'm the Alaska State Director with Planned Parenthood Alliance Advocates. And one thing I've been thinking a lot lately that is a quiet aspect of this or a gentle aspect, but I really feel has been one of the most incredibly successful tactics of the anti-abortion movement is the really like low key shame that they managed to tie not only to abortion, the word abortion, but also Planned Parenthood. And noticing now in a post to Dobbs world how more organizations and people are so much more willing to be a very vocal champion with us and for us, both elected officials and partners and media outlets and reporters. Just so many people so unapologetically standing with us has really put into sharp contrast how often we would do the work for an event and our name would be conveniently left off the flyer. Or we would co-host a coalition event or sign up on a ballot measure initiative. And we would be one of the groups at the center of that effort putting in our time and our labor and our work, setting up the chairs, helping with the media releases, and just time and time again, we were conveniently left off of the public face of that whenever convenient. And hell, now living in a world where so many people say the word abortion, where people come to us to partner and respect us, I see how not only Planned Parenthood, but just the abortion movement and so many other voices that are so deserving, SisterSong, et cetera, of being in spaces, and having to just fight constantly to be seen. And how that really insidiously stopped the conversation. Cuz the amount of people in Alaska, in this country, in this world, is a very small amount who are anti, but they manage to, instead of just increasing their numbers, just shame everyone into a space of not speaking and not being supportive. And watching that shame slowly be shaken off is what gives me hope, and is a really beautiful thing.
[00:28:38] D: I want people outside of the abortion movement to know how much blood, sweat, love, time, dedication, kindness, compassion, goes into the work that abortion supporters, abortion providers, clinic escorts, abortion companions, that everyone in the movement puts into this movement. There is no other movement that I've been party to that is just so built on community and love. What are you afraid of? Ooh, I'm afraid of a lot of things. I am afraid that pro-abortion people in power will continue to make incremental changes and not kind of go balls to the wall like the religious right has done. They spent decades making this happen, and I just don't know, in some cases if pro-abortion or even like quote unquote pro-choice people in power, have what it takes to be like, this is what it is, this is what we're doing. What gives me hope is related to the first thing. I'm filled with hope when I just see the amount of love and dedication that people put into this work and how there are just so many people I know that dedicate so many hours a day, a week, a month, a year, to doing this work for either little or absolutely no pay.
[00:30:30] Garnet: Hey everybody. Garnet cutting in here for just a second to remind you that ACCESS is really and truly an independent podcast. What do I mean when I say that? It means that we are not funded by any podcast network or media company. We are a little, little guy and we are deeply reliant on and appreciative of listener support. So if you like this show, if you feel like you're learning something listening to this episode, I would really be grateful if you could do one thing today to support the show. One of the best things you can do is to share the show directly with a friend. You could even send a text message or an email right now as you're listening. Or you could follow one of the links in the show notes. There you have options to make a donation directly to the show or to buy some of our amazing merch. We've got a bunch of new crop and tank styles for the summer, just saying, check it out. And thank you.
[00:31:33] C: I've worked in the last year for a couple different abortion providers and an abortion fund. I have been working with patients in Pittsburgh, Western Pennsylvania, and then primarily I've been working with patients that are traveling out of ban states to Denver, Colorado. And the majority of my patients are traveling from ban states and I am helping them with flight tickets, and scheduling, and financial assistance. When I started working in abortion care six years ago it definitely was not easy, but the change has been so dramatic. It used to be a little bit more low key where, you know, they're calling into a doctor's office, and I'm scheduling them an appointment. It takes like 15 minutes to go over some of navigating some of the restrictions, and then I just schedule them and then I say, you know, have a nice day. We'll see you. And, you know, sometimes people would cry because of the nature of just abortion care being a very intimate thing, being a hard decision. There being so many factors in their life that are part of their decision making process that are upsetting. And so, you know, these are always difficult conversations, but now the nature of the scheduling is so different, where a lot of times when I am talking to someone now, they've already talked to like dozens of other people and encountered dead ends. And now so much of the time when I tell someone that I can schedule them and help them, they just burst into tears and start crying. The desperation is so much more severe. The emotional turmoil that it has on our patients. It just feels so much more exasperated than it used to be. People seem so much more afraid now. And I think that they're, they're hitting more dead ends now. So when I'm not that dead end for them, there's so much relief and happiness, but that isn't fair. And it's really hard to have these conversations all the time. When I got into healthcare, I didn't want to see people have their dignity taken from them and to be so desperate. And I do my best to honor them and their fear, and take their dignity seriously and try to give them some autonomy and dignity back to them. But it's already been taken away from them by the time they get to me, and I just hate seeing them like that. And it, it's gotten so much worse. The level of desperation. And those are people that I do schedule, but I've also had conversations with people who give up. And I want people to know about that, because I think a lot of people who see this news about the bans, these abortion bans and restrictions think like, okay, well these individuals are going to keep trying and they're going to get plane tickets and they're going to travel to get care. But the fact of the matter is a lot of people give up. And I'm in those conversations with people and I've seen people give up. And there's more people giving up now because the obstacles are greater, and it is a lot. Like when I'm going over things with patients, it's so much. Like sometimes it takes me weeks. These used to be 15 minute phone calls and now it can take me weeks to get someone to an appointment and I see them give up. And it's horrible because, When they're talking to me, I know that they have their family and their plans and their dreams and their desires and their own fears about their own health and their own wellbeing, and the wellbeing of their children. And the fact that we have to move mountains for each individual. And just naturally when people see how much they have to do in order to access appointment, seeing that, and understanding why they give up. I just want people to know that , people are not getting care, people are giving up. Sometimes the obstacles are too much. And people have to change the whole course of their life. And they do it, and it's terrible to witness. So much has been taken away from these people and I don't know. And the people that don't give up, they have to put a lot of effort in. You know, they are traveling to airports, they're flying out, they're arranging funding for travel and the cost separately. It takes a lot of organizing for the patient, for the staff, and people make it happen. If someone wants an abortion, they do their best to make it happen. And there's so many different staff members that do their best to make it happen, but it's incredibly difficult. It takes so much more work and labor and energy to help one person than it did before. And we do it because, you know, people need care, but it's so much, it's so much harder than it used to be. There's so much more to navigate. There's so many more expenses to take into account. And time. It's really hard for people to leave for more than a day. There's work and there's their kids and their family and anyone else they're taking care of like parents and like it's hard for people to just leave to another state and take that time. So even finding that time is another obstacle. And I guess what I'm most afraid of is for our options to truly be whittled down to nothing. I'm afraid that we'll stop having the money to be able to do this, cuz right now it takes a lot of money to make people's abortion appointments happen, to make it a reality. And if that money is not there, then we won't be able to do it. And honestly, it kind of almost feels like the thing that I was most afraid of already happened because like I was saying, people are getting turned away and giving up and not getting abortions and not being able to find support to get to abortions. And that's, for me, already the worst thing. But now, for those who aren't giving up and still are trying to get care, that money needs to be available so that way we can move those mountains and buy those plane tickets, et cetera, and fund those procedures, and get those hotel rooms. In terms of what gives me hope, I mean, what gives me hope is the fact that there are people who will move mountains. There are so many people that will help. And it's really difficult work and we're not compensated enough and it's incredibly traumatizing to see what is being done to people and seeing their autonomy being taken away from them in every way and their control of their lives being taken away. But we do it and we work together and it's a very collaborative process and that gives me hope, cuz I'm like maybe this collaboration, this moving mountains can give us our autonomy back. It's gonna take a lot of money and it's gonna take a lot of collaboration and energy. So much is being taken away from our neighbors and our family members, and our loved ones and our peers. A lot has been taken away from us and the damage has been done.
[00:38:55] Katrina: My name is Katrina Kimport. I'm a sociologist with the ANSIRH Program at the University of California San Francisco. When Roe was overturned, I kept thinking about the heartbreakingly large number of ways that pregnancy can go wrong, and I was worried about how losing roe would impact obstetric patients who wanted to be pregnant. Almost immediately, some of my worst fears came true. Pregnant patients in states that banned abortion whose pregnancy went wrong are being denied standard medical care. They have to wait to become sicker before their doctors will intervene. They have to travel sometimes while experiencing a medical emergency to a state where abortion remains legal to get the standard medical care they need. And all of this is happening in a context where patients along with their doctors and nurses are afraid of being considered criminals of doing something illegal. Imagine a patient's experience. They're not only facing the physical repercussions of delayed care and fear that what they're doing is breaking the law. They're also navigating all this at what can be an emotionally distressing time. They've just learned that they will not have the healthy baby they hoped for. Abortion bans layer onto their physical and emotional suffering. This underscores that abortion care is an integral tool in reproductive healthcare for anyone who can become pregnant. We need this care to be protected for everyone throughout pregnancy, no matter the circumstances of the pregnancy.
[00:40:19] Livia: Since the Dobbs decision came down, the REACH Fund of Connecticut, Connecticut's abortion fund, has reached our initial fundraising goal. And in the past year since we've launched, we have funded 90 abortions in the state of Connecticut. We are absolutely thrilled to be doing this work and to be in community with other abortion funders, abortion providers and activists. Solidarity to all of those in states where abortion is restricted now. We love you. We support you, and we're here for you.
[00:41:06] Savannah: My name is Savannah. I use she her pronouns. I'm the Abortion Support Fund director at Kentucky Health Justice Network. At KHJN, we provide funding and practical support for people seeking abortion. So this could look like gas money, bus tickets, arranging flights and hotel stays, and childcare, and money for meals. Pretty much anything that a person can identify as a barrier to their appointment, we will try to support with. I have recorded this over 20 times because there's a lot to say. And I was very apprehensive about submitting something because I know that this episode will likely be heavy, because we are all holding an immense amount of grief right now. But I think that the work that we do at KHJN is hope in practice. A few months back I was supporting a caller who had an appointment scheduled a month out and she was experiencing really extreme pregnancy symptoms to the point of being hospitalized. And she ran out of her prescribed anti-nausea medication two weeks before her scheduled appointment, and she asked me if there's anything I could do. And honestly I didn't know. And so I turned to my community for some advice and we got connected with a telehealth provider in a totally different state who was able to send that prescribed anti-nausea medication directly to this person's pharmacy. And we were able to help pay for it. And as I was wrapping up that conversation, we had been in touch for over a month at this point, I just started sobbing, and I couldn't figure out why I was having such an emotional reaction, but I think there were two reasons. The first one being a profound amount of sympathy and sadness for this person who is being forced to remain pregnant longer than she wanted to be, and that, that feels like torture and something that's inhumane. But I also felt she and I were both being held up by our community in a really loving and supported way. And that was a very beautiful thing despite the complexity of the situation. To me that was hope in practice. I think a lot of us could spend a lot of the time with our grievances with large national reproductive health organizations that have all the resources in the world, but have really turned away from the movement. And I have a lot of anger and resentment. But what I can say is that there are networks of people in my state of Kentucky that are supporting people with abortion access in clinic settings and in other channels through the way of community providers because we got us. And I think that is hope and practice.
[00:44:37] Becca: Hi. My name's Becca and I've spent the last year working on I Need an A full-time with the goal of getting abortion seekers the most updated, and comprehensive, and personalized, and easy to understand information about all of their abortion options. I think looking back at last May and last June in particular was this really crazy combination of both the worst moments of my life and the most incredible moments of my life. At I Need an A, we'd been preparing for Roe to be overturned, right? We'd been preparing for it for a while, really since our inception in 2016. But I still didn't really prepare personally for how I was gonna feel when it happened. And it really hurt on a very personal level. It was a really hard couple of months, and simultaneously I Need an A was getting absolutely unprecedented support. We had more than 2000 people request ineedanabortion.com stickers to put up in their communities. We had another 2000 people sign up to volunteer with us. We had tens of thousands of dollars come in in rage donations. We had first catalyst, big grants come in. We really just had so much support at every level that we've ever dreamed about, to the point where I was able to quit my full-time job to work on I Need an A full-time instead. We were able to build out this awesome team of engineers and another designer beyond myself to really be there to rapidly respond to problems that we were hearing from people on the ground in restricted states that are working at funds, or practical support orgs, or providers themselves, or directly from abortion seekers themselves. We've been able to iterate in a way that we've never had the opportunity to, and we've been able to ship a lot of big, cool features in a way that we really never had the capacity to do. It's genuinely been the honor of my life to spend this year doing that on a personal level. I think it's how I've, I don't know how else I could have processed this Dobbs decision. So I'm incredibly grateful for it. But one of the things that scares me, and we're not the only organization saying this, I think you'll hear this from a lot of folks, the rage donations really have not kept up. They haven't been as sustainable as we'd hoped. And the institutional funding that we'd hoped we'd now be qualified for haven't really come through yet. And so one of the things I'm scared of is not having the funding to keep going and this kind of being something we have to ramp back down again. Which breaks my heart on a personal level and breaks my heart for abortion seekers too, cuz I really do think that the work we're doing as an independent organization of truly being ,comprehensive of listing all your options, both totally legal and extra legal means, and breaking them down for folks, and helping them compare. I think that's, that's something that we don't see a lot of other resources doing. In fact, we don't really see anyone doing it as comprehensively as we are. I want people outside of the movement to know that there are so many people working day in and day out to get people abortions by any means possible. That the court and the laws and all these things have not stopped us. And they will not stop us. And we need your support to keep doing it. And that support really needs to go to your local abortion fund. It really needs to go to scrappy and innovative orgs such as I Need an A, such as the Abortion Online Resource S quad, such as Apiary. What I'm most afraid of is that we're gonna see a big escalation in civil and criminal cases against abortion seekers and abortion helpers. What gives me hope continues to be that there's so many people that aren't gonna stop no matter what. It really is life or death and I see that it's life or death for so many other people too. I see so many people not willing to give up. And I have so much hope that we can keep doing it with abundance and joy and support. Like I have so much hope that this work can be sustainable, and joyful.
[00:50:34] Jeryl: My name is Jeryl Hayes. I use she her pronouns and I'm the Senior Movement Building Director at If/When/How Lawyering for Reproductive Justice. Our organization is focused on organizing and training law students, legal fellows, and lawyers in the advancement of reproductive justice. In addition to our organizing work, we also help to support folks who might be criminalized because of their pregnancy outcome, specifically for folks who are trying to self-manage their abortions. So we also have folks who are focused on litigation and policy, as well as a support helpline, and our Repro Legal Defense Fund. In terms of organizing work, what I have seen in the last year since the Dobbs decision is really an increased focus on access to abortion in a way that we have been trying to get people's attention about for really almost decades. And particularly as a black woman, seeing the ways that folks are finally seeing what we've been saying for a long time, it was both disheartening and in some ways, it felt like finally things were starting to break through. And what I mean by that is that prior to the Dobbs decision, there was a large swarth of people, primarily black and brown folks, people who lived in rural areas, people who lived in places where there wasn't a lot of access, who were already living a post-Roe existence. So that didn't really change with the Dobbs decision, it just meant that more folks were now living in that sort of post-Roe existence that some of our people have been living in literally for decades. And so what I want people to know about the last year is that I think that there has finally been some better understanding of the conditions in which people are trying to seek abortion care. I think hopefully people have a better understanding about the role that people's identities, particularly their race, their socioeconomic status, their age, their immigration status, how all of these different factors of their identity can influence their ability to access the care that they need. And that extends beyond abortion care. That is other reproductive healthcare, that's other general healthcare. And hopefully people have a better understanding of the connections between people's identities and their access to care. Additionally, I hope that people also recognize that this work is political, as much as we want to remain politically neutral, that's really not an option anymore, in part because these issues have become more and more politicized. And so people need to understand that we have to be active citizens. We have to be active in engagers in the world around us. We have to understand what is happening in our local politics, in our state politics, in our federal politics. We can't just keep our heads hidden away and think that we can not be political. And so we need people to be organized. We need people to be engaged. We need people to make sure that they are registered to vote, that their friends are registered to vote, that their family is registered to vote, that they have action plans for getting the people in their lives to understand what's important to them, and making sure that we elect officials who reflect our values, who wanna make sure that people have access to the care that they need, wanna make sure that people have access to the resources that they need to thrive. And making sure that we not only elect politicians and legislators who are gonna reflect our issues, but also making sure that once they are in office, that we hold them accountable and we make sure that they deliver on any campaign promises to make sure that they are actually doing what we need them to do. That's the main thing that I want people to recognize and understand, particularly people who do have legal privilege in this country. So, our law students, our legal fellows, our lawyers, to make sure that they're seeking ways to use that power to leverage the resources that they do have, to make sure that they are staying engaged in this work. And to join our reproductive Justice Lawyers Network to find out more opportunities to stay engaged, to get trained, to get access to different pro bono opportunities. To really, again, just leverage the power that we have, because that's the best way that we can move forward.
[00:55:12] Elizabeth: Elizabeth Ling, senior helpline counsel. What I want people outside the movement to understand about the past year is that Dobbs and the abortion bans that followed have been devastating, but it's important to remember that these attacks on bodily autonomy and human dignity are not new. They have existed in many iterations throughout history. This country has been policing bodies, especially black and brown ones, and punishing people for their identities and the choices they make about their families for generations, whether it be through the criminal, legal and family regulation systems or our medical system. I work on If/When/How's Repro Legal Helpline, where I speak to people who are confused by a constantly changing legal landscape and who are terrified that the best choice for them might put them at legal risk, whether that be traveling out of state, self-managed abortion, emergency treatment for a pregnancy loss, young people navigating parental involvement laws, and more. The fear of state violence that we hear from callers on the helpline every day is unfortunately familiar. But what is new is the fear of each other that these bans and overall anti-abortion rhetoric of the last year has created. People are reluctant to seek support from their communities because they are worried their loved ones will be at legal risk and will be punished for helping them. Or because they worry that even an unintentional disclosure of private information to the wrong person has the potential to lead to criminalization. Others are scared to help those dearest to them because their care and support could be used against them. And unfortunately, as we have already seen happen, these bans have further emboldened abusers to weaponize the legal system to manipulate and enact further control over their victims. And yet I believe that the power of community can overcome this culture of surveillance created by anti-abortion extremists that is producing distrust and suspicion. We can protect each other by understanding what the laws do and do not say so we do not misuse laws to harm each other. So healthcare providers do not wrongfully report their patients to the police. So we do not expose our friends to legal risk when we help them seek an abortion. Because when someone decides to end their pregnancy for any reason, they should be able to lean on their support systems and never have to fear punishment and criminalization.
[00:57:20] Elsie: My name is Elsie Elling. I use she her pronouns, and I'm the Washington State Field Manager for Planned Parenthood Alliance Advocates. Our affiliate is the advocacy side of Planned Parenthood in Alaska, Hawaii, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, and parts of Washington, which is where I live. A lot has happened since the Dobbs decision last June. A lot of tears and continued attacks on abortion and gender affirming care as well. Across the US we have seen devastating losses and we've also seen incredible wins at the ballot box. And in my state's legislature here in Washington, our Governor Jay Insley signed five bills that protected and expanded access to abortion care as well as gender affirming care. We passed Senate Bill 52 42 to end cost sharing for abortion care. We passed House Bill 1155 to protect private health data related to abortion or gender affirming care that wasn't already protected by hipaa. We passed Bills like House Bill 1469, which shields people who obtain, perform, or support abortion and gender affirming care here in Washington state from hostile state's attacks. And while I was so proud and also excited to see the accumulation of our efforts, a part of me was also heartbroken. I was heartbroken for the folks living in states where voter suppression laws are in place and their districts are gerrymandered so that their legislators in office do not represent their values. I was heartbroken for the folks living in states where their rights to their healthcare decisions are not guaranteed. Heartbroken for my colleagues in hostile states who were fighting against attacks from their own legislators on abortion care, that very same session. Heartbroken for the patients who have to drive or fly to states like mine in order to access basic healthcare, who are scared of their state's attacks on them for deciding that getting an abortion was right for them, whatever their reason. If there is anything that I would want to say to folks outside the movement, it would be that this fight isn't over. It's just getting started for round two. And we are resilient, but we need everyone's help. This movement must be intersectional, meaning it must include the LGBTQ community, low income folks, folks of different races, ethnicities, religions, and identities. Our liberations are tied together, so we need to ensure that the folks who are most marginalized are at the center of our work. As a reminder, attacks on trans folks are attacks on bodily autonomy and directly related to the same attacks that we're seeing on abortion care. We need supporters who showed up at rallies to stay for the hard work of advocating for abortion access in their state house, talking with voters about how their vote impacts access to care, and so much more. Apathy is one of our greatest enemies. So as hard as it can be, we need folks to stay engaged. And I'll leave you with the sentiment that I heard recently at a local community gathering. It's not a direct quote, but the speaker was talking about how people laboring in activism have been focused on the people that they're against rather than the communities they are building. So take some time to join us or other local groups out in community this year and see the power that you can grow through intentional connections. It's pretty amazing.
[01:00:46] Alexa: I'm Alexa. I use she her pronouns. I work at Planned Parenthood. I've spent a lot of the last year putting other people, like helping other people process and find their voice in this movement, and I haven't really spent too much time thinking about my own thoughts and feelings and emotions surrounding Dobbs. I am really proud of the way that Washington State has responded, but also knowing that there are people here who are just as anti-abortion and anti-choice as Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas. So I know that the work is never over. I think what's missing in conversation is just the acknowledgement that this is just everyday routine. Abortion is everyday routine. It's like running an errand and the concept of abortion isn't like this untouchable, big thing. It's just something that people do every day. I think about my own abortion and I wasn't ready to be a parent. I wasn't ready to have a baby, and I don't have one now because I had an abortion. And I'm able to live the life that I live now and I'm really grateful for my life, and it ch yes, it changed my life, but it wasn't like a big life changing event. And I, I think looking at what gives me hope in this last year, it's truly the people that I work with and the people that come and volunteer and participate in our work with us. Right around the time of the leak, somebody shared with us that they had an abortion right after it had become legalized right after roe, and they hadn't told anybody. The only people that knew were their doctor and their husband. And we had spent all this time together throughout COVID in these group spaces and our volunteers create this safe space for people, and or they're able to share things that they were never comfortable sharing before. And I just like, my job doesn't exist without the hard work of the people who are showing up to fight for abortion access and their dedication to people that they may never meet. Like that is what gets me outta bed every morning and keeps me doing this work. And I think that just makes it that much more special.
[01:03:08] Rachel: Hi, access. My name is Rachel Dyer. My pronouns are she, her and hers, and I am the Executive Director of Exhale Pro-Voice. Exhale Pro-Voice is a nonprofit organization that uses a research-guided, abortion-positive approach to cultivate after-abortion wellbeing. The biggest thing we do is run a non-judgmental after-abortion text line, and I really want to emphasize non-judgmental. We take a pro-voice approach. This means that we center the unique voice, experiences, identities, and values of each person who reaches out for support. After the Dobbs decision, Exhale Pro-Voice saw a 200% increase in our text line utilization. While this has reduced somewhat in the last year, Exhale Pro-Voice still receives 10 to 15 unique texts every day from people who just need a safe, non-judgmental, non-stigmatizing space to talk about their abortions. The Exhale Pro-Voice text line is available every day in the United States and Canada and is available in Spanish, English, and French. You can reach us at 617-749-2948.
[01:04:28] Garnet: I wanna extend my deepest, deepest thanks to everyone who submitted a voice memo for this episode. I quite literally could not have made it without you. And I also really wanna thank the people who I know thought about it, and tried, and didn't end up submitting a voice memo. I know that this has been an incredibly difficult year, and reflecting on it is really hard, so I want you to know that I see you, and I appreciate you, and I feel lucky every day to learn from you and tell your stories whenever you're ready to tell them.
[01:05:12] ACCESS is produced by me, Garnet Henderson. Our logo is by Kate Ryan, and our theme music is by Lily Sloan. Additional music in this episode by Lily and by Blue Dot Sessions. Remember, if you liked this episode, if you feel like you learned something new, please do one thing to support the show today. You can share it with a friend right now, right now, or use one of the links in our show notes to make a donation or buy some of our amazing merch. Don't forget to subscribe to ACCESS wherever you get your podcasts. You can also really give us a boost by leaving us a rating or review on that platform, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram at @accesspod. Transcripts are available on our website, apodcastaboutabortion.com. See you next time.
